The sun is slowly settling down below the horizon for the night as the somber looking boy carefully shifts his car into first gear. Methodically he turns on the headlights and fastens his seatbelt as he turns his car onto the road and melts into the evening traffic. As his car drifts down the road, no one notices the tear slowly trickling down his cheek. All seems strangely quiet to him, as if the world is silently floating by, unreal and dreamlike. His world isn’t a dreamland though. His dream has turned out to be just that—a dream.
He is supposed to be over this by now. That is what he tells himself. He isn’t though. There weren’t any angry words or slammed doors. It was nothing like that at all. Perhaps it would have been easier that way. Being angry would make it easier to put it behind him. Easier, but not better. There isn’t any reason to be angry though. And, more importantly, he doesn’t want to be angry. Not at her, anyway. He hurts inside—deeper than ever before.
The light is red. The car slows to a stop. That’s the way he feels right now. He feels like his life has come to a stop. Nearly all his dreams were wrapped up in her somehow, or at least included her in them. It isn’t that she suddenly walked out of his dreams, nor did he abruptly walk out of hers. They had talked. It was the best for both of them, they thought. Yes, it was. He can accept that. But why does his heart feel like it is torn in two? Why is he driving home with a tear trickling down his face?
He glances out the window as the road takes him past a cozy country diner. The door opens and, for a split second, he sees inside. A happy young couple sits across from each other at a small table with a look spread across their faces that only two people in love can have. Memories flood back into his mind. Memories of what use to be and isn’t any more. He will never be able to look at her like that anymore. A special smile or tender gaze will never be shared again. She was the first one, the only one to him. How could there ever be anyone else? The tear has company now as more find their way down his face. He glances down at the speedometer.
A brown sign looms ahead. The park is down the road to the left. As he sees the sign, regrets flood his mind. She had wanted to go to that park with him before. Other things had come up and they didn’t go. They could go tomorrow, he remembered assuring her. But tomorrow hadn’t worked out either. He wishes now he had taken her. There are other regrets. Yes, so many regrets. Why hadn’t he taken advantage of more opportunities to let her know how special she was, how much he cared? Why hadn’t he created more opportunities to do the same? He can’t anymore. He wants to call her, tell her that he still loves her. He really does still care. That is why the tears are streaming down his face.
Perhaps the tears are a little selfish. He’s crying because he’s hurt, because he’s lost the girl that meant so much to him. He’s also crying because he knows that she’s hurt, because she has lost the boy that meant something to her. He wants to think that he had meant much to her, but he had never been sure about that. He loved her, yes, and still does. Even now, when he hears that she is going through difficulties, or when people put her down, it hurts him. She’s still the girl he loves. Why can’t he just forget, as if this had never been?
He sees home, with the front light still on, as he rounds the last corner. A faint smile peeks through the tears as he thinks of his parents leaving the light on for him. But the smile is quickly drowned beneath the tears. He has to get through this. He knows he will. He is working through it. Yesterday hadn’t ended this way. Perhaps tomorrow will end without the tears.
He is supposed to be over this by now. That is what he tells himself. He isn’t though. There weren’t any angry words or slammed doors. It was nothing like that at all. Perhaps it would have been easier that way. Being angry would make it easier to put it behind him. Easier, but not better. There isn’t any reason to be angry though. And, more importantly, he doesn’t want to be angry. Not at her, anyway. He hurts inside—deeper than ever before.
The light is red. The car slows to a stop. That’s the way he feels right now. He feels like his life has come to a stop. Nearly all his dreams were wrapped up in her somehow, or at least included her in them. It isn’t that she suddenly walked out of his dreams, nor did he abruptly walk out of hers. They had talked. It was the best for both of them, they thought. Yes, it was. He can accept that. But why does his heart feel like it is torn in two? Why is he driving home with a tear trickling down his face?
He glances out the window as the road takes him past a cozy country diner. The door opens and, for a split second, he sees inside. A happy young couple sits across from each other at a small table with a look spread across their faces that only two people in love can have. Memories flood back into his mind. Memories of what use to be and isn’t any more. He will never be able to look at her like that anymore. A special smile or tender gaze will never be shared again. She was the first one, the only one to him. How could there ever be anyone else? The tear has company now as more find their way down his face. He glances down at the speedometer.
A brown sign looms ahead. The park is down the road to the left. As he sees the sign, regrets flood his mind. She had wanted to go to that park with him before. Other things had come up and they didn’t go. They could go tomorrow, he remembered assuring her. But tomorrow hadn’t worked out either. He wishes now he had taken her. There are other regrets. Yes, so many regrets. Why hadn’t he taken advantage of more opportunities to let her know how special she was, how much he cared? Why hadn’t he created more opportunities to do the same? He can’t anymore. He wants to call her, tell her that he still loves her. He really does still care. That is why the tears are streaming down his face.
Perhaps the tears are a little selfish. He’s crying because he’s hurt, because he’s lost the girl that meant so much to him. He’s also crying because he knows that she’s hurt, because she has lost the boy that meant something to her. He wants to think that he had meant much to her, but he had never been sure about that. He loved her, yes, and still does. Even now, when he hears that she is going through difficulties, or when people put her down, it hurts him. She’s still the girl he loves. Why can’t he just forget, as if this had never been?
He sees home, with the front light still on, as he rounds the last corner. A faint smile peeks through the tears as he thinks of his parents leaving the light on for him. But the smile is quickly drowned beneath the tears. He has to get through this. He knows he will. He is working through it. Yesterday hadn’t ended this way. Perhaps tomorrow will end without the tears.
