He isn’t everything, but without him everything is nothing…

"positive thinking"

Life has it’s ups and downs. We usually see the downs more than the ups. We always try to conquer the downs, but ya know what? Sometimes it’s not meant to conquer the downs. Sometimes you are to swallow your pride, say fuck it, and learn from the downer. THEN, you allow the DOWNER to work it’s way to become an UP in your life!
You just gotta beat it! We always want to win, but you can’t win if you do your best to take the easy way out over and over again!I used to just think of the downs, constantly for years, used to wallow in my depression and let it ruin my life, I don’t do that anymore and now have learned to love myself, I just hope other people who are going through the same can come out of it like I did. I’m happier now than I ever have been, I have great friends (and boyfriend) and family who love me and who I love.
I hate it when people are going through what I did and theres nothing I can do to help them, I know I can’t because when you are like that you only listen to your inner voice telling you that you aren’t good enough, no matter how much people try and help you, the only person who can make it better is yourself and you have to do everything you can to be happy, be selfish do what you want to do, don’t take any crap but at the same time don’t push the people away from you that love you the most, you know who your real friends are and they will always be with you no matter what, thats one of the things that helped me the most I suppose.
I used to hate myself completely, but now I am at total ease with myself, I am the way I am because it’s the way I’m meant to be and now I’m happy with it. I don’t care if people think I’m ugly, boring etc like I used to get called. I’m me and I know deep down I’m beautiful in my own little way, if only we could all learn that about ourselves.

“is it not possible that positive thoughts are actually just a mask covering the ugliness of ones true thoughts and feelings, and does a person that spends so much time trying to think positive not eventually burn out anyway and end up even more depressed because they now have no where else to go for intervention?”

Part 1 – When does an age "difference" become an "age gap"?

Age difference = Not the same age. One person is older than the other and vice versa. An age difference is neither positive nor negative it is neutral.
It just is.
Age gap = Not being able to get along well, not having alot in common due to the age difference. The older person is out of touch and so cannot relate to the younger person and the younger person is not on the same maturity level as the older person. These two people will clash and conflict will arise. Therefore an age gap is a negative thing.

An age difference is out of your control because you can’t go back in time and be born at the same time. An age gap on the other hand is avoidable. It’s up to the people involved as to wether they’ll let the age difference come between them and create conflict. It doesn’t matter what ages the two peolple are as long as they don’t let an age gap develop then they’ll be fine.

For me age is only a number, it’s about how you two both feel about one another. Don’t let others put a dampener on things. Go out there and enjoy life.

I have never had an age gap relationship before, I would really like to know how ppl had the courage to go through with it and how you make your relationship work.

I too want to have children and he knows that and I want to get married ASAP but he has said it does not scare him and he wants the same thing just not yet. I agree with him. I finally feel good about myself and my life and I don’t want to rush things. 22 is quite young for him to settle down with kids and I know that you being older does not help what with the “biological clock”. I know i cant force him to be ready or speed it up no matter how much I love him.

I asked some of my frens out there…

Some of em’ replies,

Friend 1, what you really need to ask him (unless you have?!?) is, ok, so you do not want to now but do you think you will in the future and if so how long are we looking term wise. Remember, women are having babies in later life – its not impossible just slims your chances a bit. Don’t give up yet, not if you really love him, but if he says not til he’s early 30’s (which is far too long to wait) or no he doesn’t want to settle with kids, then you need to ask yourself is love enough….

Friend 2, my sister is dating a guy who is more than 7yrs younger and they get on great with each other they seem the perfect couple..age now adays isnt a big meaning.. more to the point are you happy and is she happy are you both in love so on thats what makes a relationship not the age….

Friend 3, 5 years is nothing go for it as long as you both want it then it will work.. im in a relationship with a 28 yr age gap……………. and we are great good luck.

Friend 4, It definitely can work. I am engaged to a guy who is 9 years younger than I am and we are great together. We balance each other out. Love shows no boundaries.

I will continue later….

Forbidden love

Going out with someone is rarely stress-free, but how do you cope if the relationship doesn’t exactly fit the norm?
Perhaps they’re twice your age, they’re from a different religion or they are already taken. One thing is for sure, when you’re involved with someone in a forbidden situation the relationship can get intense quickly.

It’s good to talk

Communication is an essential part of any good relationship, but when you’re under pressure because your circumstances are taboo it’s crucial that you talk openly about your feelings.

“When I fell for one of my students our casual fling turned deadly serious within months. I guess I felt that because I was risking my career for her I wanted it to be the real thing much more quickly,” confesses lecturer Pete, 32.

“We had to keep everything under wraps which meant we spent most of our time alone. I know it’s a bit like that for everyone when they first fall for each other, but this wasn’t like anything I’d ever encountered before,” he explains.

“Talking about how we were dealing with the secrecy and the powerful feelings we had for each other wasn’t a choice, it was a necessity. I think we would’ve both gone slightly crazy if we hadn’t learned to talk stuff through right from the start. In a way, it set up a good relationship model for the future.”

A friend in need

Leaning on your friends in a situation like this is a must. You may encounter disapproval, but your real mates will understand that if you’re willing to overcome social boundaries then they should back you up too.

“My best mate Hannah, who’s Jewish like me, found out I wasn’t going out with a Jewish guy and she was at a loss. She knew my parents would freak out so she just blanked me,” says Rachel, 20.

If your mates don’t get why you’re putting yourself in a socially dangerous situation, explain it to them. A lot of people are scared of the unknown and need to have things spelt out to them before they can get a handle on it.

“Eventually Hannah admitted she had trouble accepting our relationship, but when she realised I was serious she said she’d give him a go,” continues Rachel. “I’d be lying if I said it was easy, but knowing she backed me up meant I was more confident about introducing Adrian to other people.”

Family affair?

Coming clean to your parents – especially if you’re seeing someone else’s partner – might be a little trickier. But even if you can’t spill all the beans, don’t shut your family out.

“I got together with Dan at work and I didn’t let on to my colleagues, but I also didn’t tell anyone in my family. He had two small children and a wife. I began to feel more and more isolated. In the end my mum confronted me – she couldn’t understand why I’d been freezing her out,” remembers Eva, 21.

“I couldn’t tell her the whole truth as she’s pretty old-fashioned. So I invented a story about how I was in love with someone who didn’t return my feelings. I told her the reason I’d been distant was because I was down.”

But if you can’t – or won’t – discuss what’s really going on in your life, your family can still be there for you. Don’t forget they’re the ones who are the most used to seeing you warts ‘n’ all. It’s always better to be as honest as you can, though. Bear in mind that your family – and your friends for that matter – will have your best interests at heart so they may have some valid points.

Natural high?

There’s no denying that falling for someone forbidden can be a buzz. But you need to make sure you’re clear about what you’re getting out of it. Maybe you enjoy the thrill of taking risks or you like the reaction you get for being controversial? Ask yourself whether you’re in to the person for who they are not for what they represent. If you’re not, chances are it won’t be lasting the full distance, no matter how strong the initial buzz is.

Day in day out

With so many odds stacked up against you, it can seem like there is no hope for a happy future where your friends and family accept you as a couple. But according to Relate’s young people’s counsellor, Paula Hall, it’s how you deal these difficulties that shapes who you become as a couple.

“Many couples that get together under what society or family might call ‘forbidden’ circumstances find that their relationship is stronger because of it,” she says. “The hardship they suffer in the early days can bond them together in a special way and not having others to share their feelings with means that they lean on each other. In the longer term, there’s also the knowledge that they put their love for each other first and a deep belief that love really can conquer all.”

"Shotgun Serenade"

I know you’re dying to tell me everything that you want to say, but I’m not listening.
Try to tell me everything that you want to say.
I know you’re trying to force me. Feed me lies but I’m on my way. Can you taste it now?
I’m dying to watch your face when I walk away.

Here’s the final bullet to put our love to death. Our days are never coming back.
I know it’s you. I can forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
There’s a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.
I know it’s you. I can forget our love forever ending.

I know you’re dying to tell me everything that you want to say, but I’m not listening.
Trying to tell me everything will be okay. Well be okay.
You’re trying to warm my heart but you freeze my blood. There’s ice inside my veins.
I’m only dying to watch your face when I turn away, and Ill turn away.

But you cannot separate the two things I would live or die for.
I’d kill to separate your heart from your head. That’s to die for.

Here’s the final bullet to put our love to death. Our days are never coming back.
I know it’s you. I can forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
There’s a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.
I know it’s you. I can forget our love forever ending.

You’re just a waste of a song. You’re a simple regret.
I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast I forget.
You wore your prettiest dress, but there’s a mess in your head.
They say old habits die hard. I say they’re better off dead,
cause you were bitter and cold, but still you burned me alive.
You held the match to my skin and poured the fuel on the fire.
You’re not my favorite mistake. You’re just a simple regret.
I though I knew who you were, but watch how fast and watch how well I forget.

It’s too late to play the good guy. It’s too late to play the good guy now.
It’s too late to play the good guy. Goodbye.

Here’s the final bullet to put our love to death.
Our days are never coming back.
I know it’s you that can’t forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
There’s a freight train coming to force your head in check.
Our love is never coming back.
I know it’s you. I can forget our love forever ending.

There’s a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.