I miss him so much ….BABAH

I haven’t blogged a lot about dad, a snippet here and there. I was walking in to work today..n i miss him…I still miss him so very much each and every day..it hurts sometimes, but memories of him should be inspiration to me..I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot lately. He passed away in May 2005, and sometimes it seems I miss him more instead of less as time goes by.As I sit here so many memories are flooding my mind and tears rolling down my face, I can’t even begin to write all my thoughts down, but it’s good for me to think of him. He always had a big smile on his face, and I can here his voice in my head saying “Hey, Nenot!” like he was here right now. He is my role model. I didn’t become a programmer like him, but I always wanted to be just like my Dad.
still remember when he went:
- ‘buat air teh/nescafe’ or ‘takde air teh/nescafe?’ Initially grumpy, i began to enjoy serving him. taking his request as a compliment for my lil service.sometimes x sempat mintak, dah siapkan awal2 =)

-also the only man in this big family who always came up with the idea of ‘jalan2 or pi cuti2′ or ‘p picnic’. ahh, all excited!

- he so much into sports, soccer and rugby i would say.

- he’s really a family man. my family ourselves relied on him so much. attended my petty requests- buy a new pc games, do research for me, belikan prepaid card, he still belikan me,my sis n bro chocolate till them dah besar.. u name it. he may grumbled a bit but never failed me=)

Raya tiz year i felt kosong again..2nd Raya without Babah.. I believe the situation was during the first day of Hari Raya..its hurt.U can never imagine how badly i missed my dad…remembered the day vividly. God knows how the family felt the loss…

i know Allah loves him but i simply miss him. Al-fatihah to my BABAH

First, I will miss him just sitting in his chair
content to smile as if he had no needs -
connected by spirit, happy to be.

I will miss the shuffle of his brave feet
planting the walker ahead like an ice axe;
climbing mountains we could not see.

I will miss him presiding above the fondue
a sorcerer in the candle light,
stirring batches of yuletide glee.

I will miss him leading grace at the helm
from which he would love, work, and cry -
a life of no regret, a life of family.

BABAH,
I CAN’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU HAD TO DIE,
AND THIS ONE LITTLE WORD THAT KEEPS HAUNTING ME
IS MY QUESTION OF… WHY?
I SEARCH THE DEEPEST OF OCEANS
AND THE BLUEST OF SKIES,
BUT THAT ONE LITTLE WORD REMAINS IN MY MIND
MY QUESTION OF… WHY?
I HAVE ALL THE GREAT MEMORIES
OF A MAN THAT WAS UNTOUCHED,
A MAN THAT NEVER SHOWED HIS PAIN,
AND SOMETIMES HAD PROBLEMS THAT WERE SOMETIMES TO MUCH
A FATHER THAT HAD RESPECT BY ALL
AND A HEART MADE OF GOLD,
A FATHER WHO WAS DEEPLY LOVED,
AND HARDLY LISTENED TO WHAT HE WAS TOLD
A MAN THAT WAS STRONG
AND SOLVED ALL HIS FEARS, ALONE,
A MAN WHO NEVER HURT HIS PRIDE,
AND FOR THAT HE WAS BUILT OF STONE
I CAN STILL SEE HIM SMILING
AND TELLING ME WHAT TO DO,
BUT NOW HE WILL NEVER KNOW,
HOW MY HEART HAS TURNED SO BLUE
HE ALWAYS CARED FOR OTHERS
AND PUT ALL HIS PAIN ASIDE,
HE HAD A GOOD WAY OF HIDING,
ALL HIS PAIN INSIDE
HE WAS A MAN TO STRONG TO SHOW OTHERS HIS PAIN,
HE WAS THE ONLY MAN WITH A MISSION TO ALWAYS HAVE
SOMETHING TO GAIN.
HE COULD MAKE OTHERS LAUGH,
AND BRING OUT A SMILE
BUT NOW NO MORE LAUGHING IT’S JUST PLAIN DENIAL
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO SEE MY ABAH AGAIN,
CAUSE LIKE I TOLD YOU,
HE WAS TRULY MY BEST FRIEND
I WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT
I’M NOT MAD AT HIM IN MY HEART,
‘CAUSE ALL THE MEMORIES I HAVE,
NO ONE WILL EVER TEAR APART.
ABAH,
ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW,
AND I PROMISE TO BE GOOD,
AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT OUR FAMILY
I’LL TAKE CARE OF THEM LIKE YOU WOULD.

Should You Just Be Friends?

Five situations where you might make better friends than lovers!

by Bob Narindra

Sometimes, even though you would hate to admit it, some friends should never become couples. While each relationship is different and almost all obstacles can be overcome, here are 5 situations in which you might want to consider just being friends.

#1 Your future goals are completely different.
Future goals play an important part in any relationship. If you are ambitious and your partner is not, then there may come a time when you realize that there is quite a gulf between you. The experiences of today, shape who you will become tomorrow. With the gulf in ambition, there could come a time when you just grow apart.

#2 You have different core beliefs.
Every couple needs to have some basic common points of agreement in order to succeed. These “agreements” could be as simple as you both know you want children, or that you both have similar moral values. While different points of view are often healthy for a relationship, some differences maybe a little too difficult to bridge. If you cannot find workable comprises to these differences, then it would probably be better to just be friends.

#3 Your relationship is purely sexual.
While sex is an essential and integral part of any relationship, a relationship built solely on sex is probably not going to go far. When “your place or mine” sums up the extent of your conversation then you really should consider just being friends… with a few benefits here and there.

#4 One of you is more committed than the other.
One of the hardest situations to deal with is when one partner is obviously more committed to the relationship than the other. It may be because one loves the other more, or it could be that one of you is just not ready to make a commitment yet. Such situations often cause resentment to build up, probably on both sides. If this is happening to you, consider cooling it for a while until you are both ready for the next step.

#5 You were more loving as friends.
A friend of mine once described the relationship between himself and his ex-wife as “great friends that should never have gotten married.” That got me thinking and I realized that, with relationships come responsibilities and expectations that are not present between friends. If these added responsibilities and expectations are causing you to spend more time arguing and fighting than loving, then you might want to go back to what was successful for you… just being friends.

Remember, deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship is not a decision to be taken lightly and every relationship is different. The chances are, if you are reading this article then you probably are having a few doubts about your relationship. When making your decision, make sure you are not just having a “bad relationship day” and make your decisions for the long term. The above situations are just some guidelines to help you on your way.

To The Friend I Love part 2

You have always been there for me through our ups and downs; you listen to my problems, and most of all you put up with me and all the crazy things I do. I love being with you…
At first I was confused, didn’t really know what I wanted, I didn’t know if I would want to take a chance again and actually take you seriously. So, I decided to come close to you as a friend and find out who you truly were and what you were like. You seemed cool, nice and funny some things I really liked in a guy. So I took a chance and got with you.
In the beginning, things didn’t seem that well, I actually had my doubts about you. I wasn’t sure you were actually taking me seriously. But, it was too late to look back; I had already fallen for you since the day I met you and I wasn’t really looking forward to giving up too soon.

Well, time has passed and I have discovered new things and a new me. You have truly changed me.
Still, in a way, I’m scared ’cause I am actually growing a true feeling inside my heart which I just cant explain, but I know it’s there waiting for you to come and uncover it. I truly don’t know what your feelings are but I don’t want to force you in telling me what you don’t feel towards me. I would want to receive love and trust from you when you truly mean it. All I ask from you is to show me you care and not hide anything, to also have trust in me the way I do in you. Words cannot express how much your friendship means to me. You have always found the time to cheer me up via e-mail and/or messages, and chat lines.
You always seem to know just what to say and I really appreciate that. I know that you are so sincere with your thoughts that you write to me and I know with time we will see each other and I can’t wait.

The fact that STILL I cannot find the words to describe exactly how my heart feels when I am with you, infuriates me. However, even if I had all descriptive vocabulary embedded unto my brain, I am sure that there still would not be a word that would fit exactly right.
I really love to see you smiling. They say that you such a great person and I think that they’re right, because every time that I talk to you, and every time that I see you, you’re always carrying those lovely smiles of yours on your face and I can’t hesitate to smile back. ***malu lah***
I started thinking today of all the ways you make my life complete, and I ran out of space when I tried to fit it on just one sheet.

Loving you until the skies fall down..

A Letter To Myself – (Pure Romance Love Stories)

It is rather true that in life, in majority of cases, one’s expectations does not come as one had desired, but if one goes through his existence, it could be noticed that; in fact, our expectations have realized but not through the means or people that one desired at first.

And, this story is about a lad whose dream was so high, but his desire was about the essentiality of life.

It was countless times that he had awaited, standing up before the window of the living room, in the morning, to see her leaving her home to work.

She was so beautiful for him that eclipsed any beauty or thing important around; but there was no hope for him.

He was just an adolescence who was in love with a mature woman, or at least, older than him, who, perhaps, dreamed about a family and was searching of a husband. And he was just a lad in high school. So she was just his daydream.

One day, as he was writing a composition an idea came to his mind – according to a line that he had read somewhere, if one wrote his desire on a paper this would come true. So he planned to write a love letter to himself believing that it came from her.

And he did so. A letter of sweet words that knocked him out of his feet, with kisses on the bottom, and a despairing declaration of love for him.

He had posted that letter to himself.

The following morning, as usual, he had done the same routine, but with one thing different, he waited for a letter.

A lovely girl had crossed the window until his door, but before she slid the letter through the slot, he had opened the door, and he had seen a lovely girl of blonde hair and blue eyes that came to deliver his letter. She was pretty but not so gorgeous as his beloved and dreamt girlfriend.

So, the writing of the letter and the girl – who handed it to him – were things added to the routine of waiting to see that beautiful woman.

It was uncountable times that the lovely girl walked up to his door with a letter that almost a friendship had sprouted between them. But without a hope for the post girl who thought that he should be mad about that girl whom wrote to him almost every day.

On those fleeting few minutes – when she was under his frame door, they shared laughter, sadness and a sort of rare feeling. She had planted the seed of curiosity for her inside him.

He had begun to focus himself on the delivering of the letter that he forgot to be attentive to the beautiful woman.

One Sunday, he was sad and lonely at a coffee shop in the town, when the post girl had run into him where he was seated. He had invited her to have a seat at the counter, and she had asked about his sadness that his eyes conveyed. And shyly, he had told her about the letter and his love for that woman that lived over the road, who was about to marry somebody.

For that pretty girl every word that he uttered was so sweet that it was not a delirium every single line that he wrote to draw the unreachable woman’s love to him.

After that day, there was a sort of complicity to see each other, their friendship had turned out into love, and he had forgotten that beautiful woman who drove him mad. Years later, he had become a famous writer of love stories, and by his side, it was that pretty girl who helped him to find love.

A Painful is still here….

It’s hard to think when the emptiness in your heart is calling out for something to fill it, quickly, anything. If only you can hear me, see me, or even know how I feel now. Once someone told me that this loss would hit you like no other when you least expected it, oh how I scorned and laughed saying that I would be strong and not cry. How my tears then fell like the rain when you actually did leave me, but why is it that when I think of you, I can only cry? Why can’t I think of you, and me, and us, and be happy?

My tears spring out from my eyes with ease, with pain, as if each tear which comes out can actually build a bridge to bring you back from where you are now to my heart again? I was told that I shouldn’t have to grief this way, that what we had was special but not something to grief over for such a long time. But who sets a time period for this? One day, a month, a year, one whole lifetime and a day more? I long to remember the good days, I long to see you, feel you, smell you and to touch you with my words again.

I never did tell you that I loved you, but there was never the need to, you always understood. Just like how I never had to apologise for all the wrong I have done, and there have been many. People say it’s a good thing you’re gone now, to a better place, but how come something good feels so so bad? So bad that I have never felt a pain so deep before, and how come I don’t want to ever wish this pain even upon my worse enemy. Every story you’ve told me, every meal we ate together, and every smile, frown and laughter from you is in my head, but what will happen if one day, they are erased by the cruel hands of time?
What will then be left of you, nothing but mere memories which are not really accurate any longer. How I wish there was something I could do to forever hold you in my heart. What happens then when I am gone. Who will live to tell your legacy, and who will be a testament that you were and always will be such a hero in my eyes. All the pain and suffering you endure never did show on your face, only in your eyes, and this was only realised by me when I looked back at your old photographs. I never did realise the pain behind those lovely eyes which shielded them from the rest of the world.

How you always wanted to travel but couldn’t find the chance to. And how you always told me to be the best I can be. I made my promise to you, I don’t know if you can hear me, and I don’t know if it really matters anymore, but I will be all you wanted me to be. And something more. What you did was so precious, you don’t know it, but you touched us all in ways unimaginable. You really did. Now I can’t thank you anymore. I can’t see you, or touch you, but I can smell you in your clothes, I can hear your laughter in my mind, I can feel your love in my heart.

I will always be your little flower, I hope you are proud of me because the tears that I cry will never be long enough to build that bridge. It will never bring me back to you again even though I flood my heart with the memories of you. All I have now is the past, the future is not bright without you, it glimmers slightly without you fuelling it, but there’s nothing I can do. No one I can talk to. Time heals, but time also destroys the very memories I have of you. How I fear that, but it will happen. And then I will read this and wonder why I feel like this now. But for the time being, the tears are still here, and still crying whenever I think of you….